Carter has been REALLY sick for about 5 days now. And I mean REALLY sick. He finally seems to be on the mend after a heavy dose of steroids from the doctor. Not only has it been tough on me literally carrying him for about 10 hours a day (so glad I still have my backpack), but it has been super tough on Pierce. For instance, Friday, we didn't even get out of pajamas until daddy came home from work; and even then he was only able to spend about 45 minutes outside. Saturday, I took both kids to a Halloween bash, and we decorated pumpkins, but Carter was still extremely clingy. Sunday little man was so sick, I could not move him at all. He just whimpered - and his cough was a bark. We knew what that was - the dreaded croup. Dan (despite himself being super sick with what turned out to be an outer ear infection), took Pierce out for some special daddy time at the park, then made him a special lunch, and even carved pumpkins with just him. And despite all of this effort, it was not enough for Pierce. He just wanted mommy.
I was so sleep deprived at this point, I did not pick up on this until Monday, when Pierce and I had a discussion about his behavior. Meaning, I had him sit and think exactly why he was acting the way he had been lately. And after about 20 minutes of talking, it boiled down to me. Even before Carter got sick, I stopped taking just him out on dates. It was not intentional, it has just been crazy busy in the house. I had also stopped playing board games with him, and he felt left out. I knew I had to change something.
Monday night, I was able to leave the house with Joyce to do yoga and meditation. I needed to find me and recenter myself on what is important in my life. And wouldn't you know it? The meditation was about how we are all a small piece of the puzzle. Without us, life would not make sense. And we need to let go of all of our self doubt.
Tuesday came along, and Carter was still not making progress on getting any better. He still had a fever of over 102, and yet again we were inside for the morning. To top it all off, I woke up at 2:30 am and could not get back to sleep. And the boys woke up at 4:30 am. Carter due to not being able to breathe lying down, and Pierce because he had actually slept the night before and was rested. I tried in earnest to make the morning special. We played board games, made muffins, watched Super Why together, and colored. I always had my phone nearby, since I was messaging our buddies to see if they were feeling any better. And of course to have somebody remind me that he could not be sick forever. Pierce looked at me as we were watching Super Why, and said, "could you please just put down the phone and cuddle me?" Ouch! That was a slap to my face that was very much deserved.
When Carter woke up from his nap, you could tell he was actually laboring to breathe, and he had a slight tinge around his mouth. I immediately called the pediatrician that told me to bring him to them NOW. Pierce was such an amazing big brother, just as he always is. He helped get Carter dressed, held his hand and told him it would be ok, and was just a big comfort and support. After a treatment at the doc, and a massive dose of Orapred, Carter was doing much better. I felt comfortable enough leaving him with Dan that night, to take Pierce out on a date. I had no idea what I was going to do, but we would find something. When I asked Pierce, he said he wanted to go to the arts and crafts store to buy more stickers. That was a date that we would LOVE to have. He and I love the arts and crafts stores.
We had so much fun walking every aisle in the place. People must have thought we were nuts. He was so happy to have my attention, and loved asking me what everything was. They had their Christmas stuff up, and he loved looking at all of the bright colored Christmas lights. We then created a whole bunch of craft ideas together for Christmas projects, and found what we needed to make the family presents. We found colors, shades, cool bird houses, and of course stickers. He was SHOCKED at the amount of stickers one place could have. And his final choice? Ocean themed, sparkly foam stickers. He also picked up a few other extras not only for him, but also for Carter. He wanted to make sure that even though Carter was not there, he was not left out with fun things to do.
I was not ready to leave my date with Pierce, so we walked over to Barnes and Noble. It had dawned on me that I had never taken Pierce in there. I have never taken the child that loves books, and is trying to read, to one of the best book stores ever. As soon as we walked in he stopped. He looked everywhere and went, "Can I read all of these books?" It was so heart warming to hear him ask that question. He also found the Wizard of Oz books, and wanted me to buy it for him so we could start reading it together. While it is a great idea, not sure if he is at that level of attention span yet. I showed him the Lego table, the junior book section, etc. He loved every part of the store. Then he found the toys. Not once did I hear I want. Not once did I hear I need. All he said was, "we can put it on my Santa list." He fell in love with this guitar that he found. It matches the keyboard that Carter received for his birthday, and sat down on the stool to start playing it. As he figured it out, he told me he was going to put on a concert and I needed to dance.
What?! Dance in the aisles of Barnes and Noble? A book store full of people reading and drinking their Starbucks lattes? How could I? The embarrassment I would feel, the humility! Why would he even ask me to do such a silly thing? What would the other people think?! When I opened my mouth to tell him no, I looked at those big beautiful blue eyes. They were so full of warmth and passion. They were so full of pride and happiness. I could not tell him no. And so it was, at 7:20 pm, I was dancing through the aisles for the first time ever, while my 3 1/2 year old child played a concert for me. I couldn't even tell you if people stopped to look. We were having so much fun! We were both laughing, and he even got up to dance while he played the guitar.
It is amazing how your child can be so much wiser than yourself. It is amazing how their innocence can transfer to you where it shows you how to have fun again. Pierce, thank you for making me dance in the aisles of Barnes and Noble. Thank you for allowing me just that once, to let my guard down and have FUN. I will cherish every date we have, and I hope they are all fun just like that. I hope you never lose that sense of self confidence and pride that you have deep within your soul. Don't ever forget it little buddy. That is what will make you go far in life. Love you to the moon and back. Always.
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