I can also say that if you asked us the day of our wedding where we were going to be in 6 short years, I probably would have given you this answer. I would probably have a 1 year old at this point. We would own a huge house, beautiful cars, and I would be concerned about climbing the corporate ladder. We would still be living in CT, but more in the middle of the state. We would have a ton of friends, and love to throw big parties at least once a month. In short, I pictured the life the complete opposite of what we have now.
What we have now, certainly does not add up to much on paper. We have 2 cars (that are FINALLY paid off), a dog, a cat, and two amazing kids. We have a crap ton of debt that we are working so hard to pay off, and we live with my in-laws. However, the journey that Dan and I have taken together over the last 6 years, is one that could never be measured in terms of on paper. We almost bought a house, but were victims of mortgage fraud and could not obtain a mortgage in the 30 day requirement that we had. We made a lot of awesome friends, and had a grand old time hosting parties and events. However, when I took a transfer to move across the country with my former company, we lost a lot of those awesome friends. But, the journey did bring us our first bundle of joy; Mr. Pierce. After losing one baby right before we moved, and trying for at least 8 months, we never thought it would happen. However, I guess we were relaxed and happy enough for it to finally click.
After Pierce was born, my career no longer really mattered to me. I never knew I could love something so small, so much. And I never knew that Dan and I could love each other so much, yet be so annoyed with each other. I would say, we learned that sleep is a necessity for our relationship to function. And so is personal space. To be honest, I think the biggest blessing of our 6 years of marriage came when I lost the job I had just taken 10 short days before they decided they didn't need me. This left us without a place to live, a newborn baby, and a trip back across the country to move in with Dan's parents. We must have been a sight on the road; 2 cars with over stuffed cargo bags on the roof, and the inside of the cars filled with everything we could fit that was important to us.
A few short months later, we got a nice surprise. I thought I had the flu; it turns out that my flu was named Carter. We were terrified. One income, living with his parents, this was not the way our life was supposed to be. We were supposed to be financially stable,independent adults. I mean, isn't that where we are supposed to be at 26 years of age? But that pregnancy came with a bomb shell. At 5 months pregnant, we learned that my father had stage 4 liver cancer. Without us ever knowing what we were getting ourselves into, we jumped feet first into spending as much time with my father that we could. This meant putting a HUGE strain on our marriage, by me practically moving in with my mom and dad, and taking Pierce with me. Dan was now left essentially on his own, while Pierce and I built as many memories with my parents as we could. Then 9 short weeks after Carter was born, my dad slipped away into Heaven. At the age of 27, I no longer had a dad. I had no idea how devastated I would be to lose my dad, until I lost him. Dan had no idea how to deal with it either; and I think it truthfully took me about a good 6 months to realize my father was not coming back.
I was a train wreck. Dan had no idea how to deal with me, and I had no idea how to tell him what I needed. To be honest, I have no idea how our marriage survived. Specially since that train wreck lasted a good year. I had never been filled with so many emotions at once in my life. Ever.
And now that leaves us as of today, and I look back on our life and compare it to what it "should" have been. I can honestly say that I don't think I would have found true happiness with what we should have had. Yes, we would have had a lot more in our bank account, and we would not have been shopping at thrift stores for our clothes. But, we would not have had the family bond that we have now. We certainly are never going to see eye to eye on everything. There are no two people in the world that ever will. But this I think we can both agree on;
We love each other forever and always. We love our boys with all of our hearts and souls, and would stop the world for them if we could. The bond that the 4 of us have can never be broken, and the appreciation for our families can never be more profound. I am so excited to think of what the next 50 years brings to us. Dan, thank you for everything. Thank you for working crazy hours in crazy situations so that we can build our life over. Thank you for supporting me and sticking by me through all of the emotional turmoil that I have been through and caused. I love you, forever and always, always and forever.
And to my readers; I would say sorry for writing this mushy post, but one day this entire blog is going to be printed for my boys to read. It is so important for them to know, when they are adults, that you don't give up on problems. You work together to find solutions; and that includes not giving up on people. If Dan had given up on me through all of my emotional issues, then we would not be the happy family we are now. We are not perfect, we still squabble and annoy each other. Nobody is perfect, and should not claim to be. Thank you for allowing me to express this, and thank you for not judging me either. Good night!
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