First of all, in case people do not know, most of this blog and experience is now located on facebook. This allows me easier access and I can leave up to the minute pictures of the great things we do. I am located at https://www.facebook.com/crazyinlovemom...and please join us and spread the word!
Now, to the main goal of this post. Writing is cathartic to me. It eases my restless soul, and allows me to focus on the good in life. I feel like the original purpose of this blog has been lost amongst the hustle and bustle of life, and maybe I am trying to create something that is not there. Maybe I will never have the audience of so many other blogs, but hey, this was supposed to be a scrapbook for my boys. And I need to do a better job of focusing on that. I also need to do a better job on being thankful for the little stuff. It is so easy to become engrossed in the big things of life, that one can easily forget to not sweat the small stuff, and to not be thankful for the small stuff. So here I am, on this Valentine's night, posting 10 little things I am grateful for.
1. My husbands sense of intuition.
Yes, I may have complained a "few" times and vented a "few" times about the love of my life. But at the end of the day, I could never imagine being with anybody but him. He knows when I have had enough and he needs to step in. He knows when I need that extra sense of motivation, and that extra hug and cuddle. He knows when I am right, but seldom will admit it. :) I take for granted this sense of intuition, I often forget to thank him. So Danny, thank you for stepping in when needed, and also knowing when to back off. I love you forever and always.
2. Carter's temper tantrums
Pierce's temper tantrums never lasted too long. Or at least, I do not recall them lasting forever. However, Carter can have some SERIOUS temper tantrums...I mean, the apple did not fall far from the tree. So why am I thankful for them? They are teaching me that level of patience is much higher than I ever thought I would have. I have NEVER been a patient person; anybody who knows me knows that. I want things now. And I have started to change that thanks to Carter. Most of the time, I am now able to get down to his level and really work through why he is acting the way he is. And the majority of the time, it honestly boils down to him being tired, hungry, or a combination of things. He also just wants to feel as important as anybody else in the family, and how can I fault him for that? So yes, I may have to carry him out of a few places over my shoulder, but I am learning something. I am learning to be calm, loving, accepting, and patient. How can I not be thankful for that?
3. Pierce's sensitivity level
Pierce is a different kid. We have had so many challenges with him from day 1. Whether it was learning to deal with acid reflux disease, sensory processing disorder, anxiety, or anything else we have encountered, I am blessed to have him as my little man. He has always been wise beyond his years, and has shown me just what love is. At the end of the day, he is an extra sensitive child that takes everything you say to him right down to the core of his being. This has taught me to think before I speak (most of the time), and to really look at how my behavior is affecting him. I have become more aware of what comes out of my mouth, and how I phrase things. Thank you Pierce for teaching me to be a better person. I love every one of your quirks...even that scream you let loose when you have had enough. :)
4. Moving around a LOT as a child
I resented moving around so much as a kid. I honestly did not feel settled until my parents bought their home in Hebron...and I was 12. And while this was a thing I hated growing up, I have now come to realize that moving around made me a part of who I am, and has shown me that being a family is the thing that mattered the most. It honestly did not matter what house we lived in; it was the fact that we were together. I have come to realize this more and more as my family grows and matures. We keep tossing up the idea of moving across the country again, and while I would LOVE to get out of CT, I am worried about uprooting the boys and changing their ebb and flow. However, I have now learned at the end of the day, that as long as the four of us are together as a family, that is the importance of life.
5. My me time.
There have been a few blog posts I have come across lately about how narcissistic and selfish parents are lately. The authors have written that parents of today see their children as issues and problems, and must haves. The authors believe that parents are selfish for needing me time, and that our time should be dedicated solely to our children. I disagree. It is completely unhealthy, in my opinion, to dedicate all of your time to your husband, your children, your community, and then have nothing left to give yourself. I cherish my me time. I no longer feel selfish for taking it. Being on the job 24/7 wears on you. It is more than obvious. I will not be made to feel guilty for taking a weekend here and there, or even a few hours at night. I need it. And if that makes me selfish, then that is fine. I will be selfish.
6. My car
I have taken for granted the option of hopping into a car in the morning and going wherever the boys and I want to go. With this recent snow, and my car needing major repairs, I had this freedom taken away a few times, and it was chaotic. We don't live in an area with sidewalks, and we live on a super busy road. This has literally left us home bound quite a few days. While it was nice to have the break and to not feel obligated to travel, I will forever love my car and the ability it has to get me from A-B, now that it has been fixed. Now, if the snow would stop falling 6-12 inches at a time, I could really get out and cruise. :)
7. Amber
Amber is our golden retriever that is 5 years old. I do not nearly give her as much time as I used to, and I certainly should. However, every day that we come home, her tail is wagging and she is so happy to see us. She cuddles with me every night in bed, she is beyond calm with the boys, and always knows when I need that extra puppy hug. I was worried about how her demeanor would change once we had Pierce, but she has become even more protective of us and gentler than I could ever imagine. She has been moved across the country and back, and is an amazing travel companion. Once we have places to stroller walk again, we have some serious walking to do.
8. Family
This is probably a given in most houses, but in my house it is a biggie. Dan's family is such a close knit family, it honestly made me feel awkward at first. I grew up in a family where I had no siblings, I did not know my cousins, aunts, or uncles, and family was comprised of friends (which is totally awesome too!). Dan's family is completely different. Their blood is thicker than glue, and they are all always there for each other. When we moved back to CT, my amazing in laws took us in, without any hesitation at all about a family of 3 and two animals moving in. Then we accidentally became a family of 4. I was a wreak, but grandma calmed me down, gave me a cup of tea, and reassured me that everything would be alright. And you know what? It was. When we desperately needed a babysitter so that I could start to work again, a cousin selflessly stepped in and volunteers her time with the boys so that I can make a little bit of money to help the house. We have massive family dinners, birthday parties like no other, and while we may not all see eye to eye, at the end of the day we will always support each other and encourage each other. And besides, I could never imagine my boys growing up in a non multi-generational house. I honestly believe that has contributed to their amazing demeanor.
9. My knowledge of cooking
I love to cook. I love to bake. I love to eat (hence my body figure!). I am incredibly grateful in my knowledge of cooking. I used to spend what seemed like hours in the kitchen with my dad just absorbing whatever he taught me. Cooking was our bonding time, and it is now my bonding time with my boys. I love picking ingredients out of a cabinet and knowing how to cook them so they are mostly edible. It gives me this inner freedom that I cannot describe. It is odd. But, I know that if I were ever to get stuck, I can create a meal out of just about anything. :)
10. My Daddy
Most people know I am and was a daddy's girl, through and through. Nothing broke me as much as my dad passing away in October 2011, but nothing has made me stronger. No matter how much it still hurts, it has taught me to be a stronger person than I ever thought I could be. It has constantly reminded me to appreciate the little things like the sunlight on your face. That last day on earth for my dad, he wheeled himself outside so he could just feel the sun on his face. I went with him out there, and he made a comment about how it was heaven and nothing could feel that great. Keep in mind, this was the man that had suffered from kidney failure for at least 10 years, a failed kidney transplant, and then stage 4 liver cancer. This was a man that had suffered so much, but yet had given so much to everyone around him. He loved to spread joy to people. He loved to help people. And the fact that he was still professing his love for my mom the day of his death to his entire family, has taught me to stand up for myself. Profess what I believe in. Never be ashamed of who you are, who you love, and where you have been. My dad taught me through his passing that strength truly comes from your core. That afternoon as we knew the end was coming, he told me to go get my mom for it was time. Later that night as I gave him what would be the final dose of morphine, he had gasped and said no. He was gone within two hours. I have no idea what that no was about, and to this day it still haunts me. But he held on for as long as he could. He held on until the Priest was able to come to the house and gave him his last rites. He held on for Pierce to be picked up so he wouldn't see his beloved Ampy pass away. As I watched them take his body out of the house in a body bag, I realized that it was my time to be stronger than I ever thought I could be. Do I still have my moments when I am angry at the world? Oh you bet your bottom dollar I do. But, strength does not mean you cannot have emotion. Strength means that you are able to accept your emotions, display your emotions as needed, and not feel ashamed of how you feel. My dad proved this as he learned to accept the fact that he was dying. Was he happy to die? Of course not! Did he show anger, sadness, and every emotion in the book? Multiple times. But no matter how much emotion he showed, each time he got up to walk, to play with Pierce, to hold Carter despite him being so weak, it showed the true meaning of strength, and that is something that I will never forget, for as long as I live.
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