Let me begin by saying that we have had a fair amount of fun since Wednesday. I knew it was going to be a rainy day today, so it was a must to spend the whole day outside yesterday. I would have to say Pierce's statement of the morning took the cake though. "Momma, I want to be a grown up. This way I can go to work with Papa and I don't have to stay home." I think once we spent 3 hours at Rockwell Park yesterday just playing, he changed his mind. Carter also changed his mind about crawling. He decided it was too cold to crawl along the ground, and held onto my hand and pretty much walked the entire time. He also attempted to climb the rope structure like Pierce did.
Later that afternoon we went for a walk in Woodbury, in search of a tower to check out the fall foliage. We met up with some awesome friends, and had a great time...but we never found the tower. Let's just say the moms were talking too much, and missed a turn somewhere. On the bright side, we did have an amazing tour of Woodbury's Main St. :) We came home, ate dinner, and did bath. I started making homemade pumpkin butter at 6 pm, and of course my sous chefs had to help. At 9 pm, we had 2 small containers of pumpkin butter that are to die for. Here is the recipe:
http://ohsheglows.com/2012/09/11/all-natural-pumpkin-butter-from-scratch-many-ways-to-use-it/
Even the boys gobbled it up this morning with their oatmeal. Mommy did too. And we had pumpkin butter sandwiches.
Today I was determined to get out of here and do something fun with these guys. We have been sticking local all week, and they have put up with a lot and no routine. Our escapades landed us at the Maritime Aquarium in Norwalk. We had so much fun, and there were so few people there that we were able to touch everything and see everything up close and personal. We touched sting rays and nerf sharks, saw all sorts of fish that are in Long Island Sound with us, and just ran and explored. Pierce was not in a stroller, and he did great! I am starting to trust him more and more out of the stroller, and he is appreciating it.
Once we left the aquarium 4 hours later, we came home, picked up Daddy, and went to Home Depot. I am addicted to pinterest, and have all sorts of projects laying in my head. I found a coffee table today at Goodwill (we arrived before the aquarium opened), and it is perfectly round. I am going to sand it, paint it with chalkboard paint, and have that be the arts and crafts table instead of using the kitchen table. We also finished pricing out the lumber costs to make Pierce an elevated bed with cubby holes underneath, and a train table. The boys LOVED Home Depot. I think it was a huge jungle gym for them, and at one point we found Pierce on top of the stacks of plywood.
Now we are home, and the boys are in the bath with Daddy. I can hear Pierce making waterfalls with the bucket of water, and Carter protesting any water going near his head. While it is awesome, I cannot help but think of a year ago tonight: I lost my father.
I am not sure how many people that read this knew my dad, but here are the basics. My father was 52 years young. For 12 years prior to passing, he struggled with dialysis and kidney failure. What ended up killing him in the end was liver cancer. I remember my father being this HUGE guy growing up. He was the father that all boyfriends were afraid of, just due to sheer size. However, he had a heart of gold, and was the best person I know.
One year ago tonight, I watched this shriveled shell of my dad take his last breath and slip off into the great unknown. I still have the horrid sound of the coroner zipping the body bag as they took him out of my mom's house. That is when I also lost myself. I have focused this year so much on acting like it didn't phase me that much, and that it is all part of life. What nobody realizes is that I have made myself so busy to try and forget about it, I have neglected myself. I have lost friendships over me not being myself, and I have almost lost my family. I am finally at the point where I am just angry with him for leaving my mom and I in a world, where we did not have enough of his knowledge yet. I still reach for the phone to call him, and it has been a year. Pierce asks about him all the time, and insists that he sees him and that he is with us in the car, at the house, wherever we go. I have my mixed feelings on it, and it depends on the day I am having.
I know I am usually not this straight forward and revealing in my blog, but I needed to put it on "paper." PLEASE, cherish the ones you have near you. Remember when your child is having a tantrum or you are having a bad day, it is only a bad day or moment. It is not a bad life, and you never, EVER, know what is going to happen tomorrow, or if there will ever be a tomorrow. Life is the most precious thing on earth, and we, as a society, take it for granted as we zoom down the highway, skip those pesky physicals, and decide to not take care of ourselves. The pain I have felt this year, is nothing I want any of you guys to feel. The reality of it is, that we will lose a parent, loved one, or sibling some day. As I leave you tonight, please do not feel bad for me. It is something I have to deal with and learn to accept.
To my mom (I know she reads this), thank you for everything in the last year. We have grown so close, and I treasure that relationship more than you know. Please do not think of yourself as a burden, or anything other than the amazing mom and friend that you are. You have gone through Hell and back, and I am proud to call you mom. I love you. And please do not ever forget that.
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